Chapter Text
It’s one thing to know you are a piece of sh*t. It’s also another thing to admit you are a piece of sh*t. But seeing just how much of a piece of sh*t you are is a wake up call that not even the most stubborn of people can deny. Blitzo knew he hurt people. He had done it for years but he always assumed that most people just moved on or were bitter about it. He knew some were hurting or feeling sad, but he never thought about them. Not just because he moved on (or at least attempted too) but he felt like people were taking something that was common to see in Hell to the extreme.
But now? That felt like just an excuse to hide his guilt for ruining the lives of so many people who tried to love him before he shut them down and broke their hearts. Blitzo knew he was a bad person and that everyone was better off without him. But just because he thought that it didn’t mean that they never got over it.
Seeing Verosika’s “f*ck Blitzo” party with all those people there, traumatized, hurt, and bitter over his actions against them? Well, what else was there to say then that he deserved having his head as target for a throwing knives game? Parking his van in an empty parking lot, Blitzo gripped the steering wheel as he thought about what he saw at the party. Every ex-lover he ever had that was hurt because of him was there and at first it seemed like just some angry party to talk sh*t about him. But it was more. It was a group coupling method. To help those who, years later, still were in sorrow over their hearts being broken.
Every lover and romantic partner he had before he ruined it with his usual actions of self-sabotage and self-hatred was there not just in anger…but sorrow. Because, as Stolas said, there was an entire party of people who once cared for him. Loved him. And what did he do but break their hearts with his own selfish actions. If nobody really loved him they wouldn’t have had that party. A party of grieving people who couldn’t get over the person they loved betraying them.
It really opened Blitzo's eyes to just how many people…cared about him. And how many of them no longer did because he was too afraid to care back. Like he was with Stolas.
Stolas.
Goddamn that f*cking bird dick of being the one person, the one person, to really make him feel like the bad guy. He could ignore the feelings of the others, even Verosika to an extent, but Stolas. Something was different about him.
Closing his eyes, Blitzo tried to keep the image of Stolas making out with the other guy out of his mind but he couldn’t. The way that Stolas smiled and looked so happy. So carefree and relaxed. How many times had Blitzo seen that given to him and yet all he ever did was push the prince away? There were times when Blitzo let himself be vulnerable to the Prince, but he didn’t do it often. He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to get close and yet seeing someone care about him so much; wanting to do so much with Blitzo…it…
Stolas was right. He didn’t have to do anything to help Blitzo with his company or even hang out with him. He even gave him a means to not even use the book while wanting them to become something more. Of his own free choosing. And then there was that song. That song about how much he really admired him, looked up to him. And now it was bitterness, anger, and grief because Blitzo took all that love and trust and threw it in the prince’s face.
Stolas.
Why him?
Why out of everyone he had ever had a…thing with did Stolas hurt the most? Make him feel regret from the start? What made Stolas even want him so much or was he really that blind to understanding people? He heard what Stolas wanted and it was clear he was a hopeless romantic but…the way he spoke of wanting someone to care, to love him, to make him feel something…
It was like Bltizo hearing himself speak deep in his heart.
Stolas was just like him.
Take away the riches, titles, power, and everything else and he was just what Blitzo was.
Lonely.
Unloved.
Wanting.
And he could have given that to Stolas. Stolas wanted that from him. Just like how Verosika and so many others did. He didn’t want to admit it but he couldn’t deny it after seeing it. Everyone he had loved thought Blitzo was worth loving. Everyone but himself. And he sabotaged it and hurt them because of it.
And it wasn’t just his ex’s.
Barbie Wire.
Fizzarolli.
Moxxie and Millie.
Loona.
How many of them had to deal with his bullsh*t and his attitude? All because he couldn’t f*cking admit he hated himself because…because…
…Because he killed his mother thanks to that fire.
The fire he started by accident.
The day he lost his home, his best friend’s respect, his family’s love, and the one person who loved him more than anything.
He lost it all and he just couldn’t move the f*ck on.
Gripping the choker that he treasured more than anything, Blitzo finally sobbed and wailed. He was glad nobody could see him. He smashed his fists against the car and screamed. He screamed so loud his throat hurt. Blitzo didn’t know how long he went off in his tangent but he was sure it had to have been some time because it was past midnight. Wiping the tears from his face, he leaned back and took a few deep breaths.
“I can’t keep doing this…” Blitzo whispered as he closed his eyes. “I can’t be…this…”
He couldn’t go on. Not like this. Even if he wanted to change it just couldn’t be done. Blitzo or Blitz or whatever name he used was poison. He knew, deep down, that as much as he wanted to change there was a part of him that would just continue to cause harm. How far will it go until he hurts Moxxie and Millie or Loona or some other future Stolas?
They deserved better. All of them deserved to just move on. Get over him.
He…He needed to go…he needed to end it…
Blitzo needed to end this once and for all.
Taking a deep breath, Blitzo exhaled and put his hands on the steering wheel. He needs to do this. End it all. Finally free everyone from the toxic person that was Blitzo Buckzo. Including Blitzo himself.
With a plan forming in his head, Blitzo turned on his van and prepared to do one last act.
For those he loved.
He would free them from himself.
